Nothing in Particular

My computer is being held hostage by Geek Squad, so I’m attempting to post using my phone. I hope it works.

This morning I got an email from someone, claiming that its contents brightened her day. Attached to the email were tons of photos documenting a civil ceremony between two men. While I respect their desire to public express their love and devotion, I’m a little upset-though I can’t decide why.

Because I did not attend their wedding, I can’t say that merits the feelings I have. I think, because I recognize weddings as a symbol of two people becoming one in the sight of God, I am a little offended. I am not upset that these two men love each other. In fact, in a society that does not always respect committment and love, I am overjoyed to see that two people have found just what so many of us are looking for.

There aren’t too many people who know me well…well enough to know the things I am ashamed of, but a few may eventually read this. You may be wondering how I can feel the way I do-all things considered.

My response is this. I am crazy, but not crazy enough to mock God conciously. Marriage is something sacred and I believe that if you chose to live out of God’s will, you have to be willing to sacrifice some things that go along with it.

So while I don’t know if the ceremony of these two men was religious in nature, I hope not.

On to something else, I almost got single again this weekend. This is crazy. I am growing up and going through and this is not easy! TB and I are so different. We grew up in what seems like completely different worlds. Sometimes I wonder if things really can work. Our main problem, honestly, is understand each others perspective. I’m upset that what’s important to me isn’t important to TB and I think vice versa. I’m upset that decisions have been made by TB that drastically affect US. I find it hard to believe that knowing me and my personality the expectation is to just grin and bare it–cuz its not happening.

Right now is a crazy time in my life and I’m not sure what’s going to happen. I question everything, especially us, and I don’t think that’s how its supposed to be.

I had something else I wanted to say, but I forgot…

My Cup Runneth Over?

I’m pissed right now, but Imma write the post I intended anyway. 

I am 20 years old.  I have few friends and many acquaintances, mainly because I am very hesitant to let people into my space/mind/heart.  In fact, I’ve been in a relationship for about three months, and I still think we’re at the surface (though thats not necessarily all because of me). 

I can count on one hand the number of people I allow to ‘pour’ into me.  And some of them are people I never expected.  I am at a place of severe frustration and my patience is running thin.  Very thin.  It is causing me to question motives, beliefs, and if people are really genuine. 

There are so many people who keep asking invasive questions even though we are not close, while there are just as many people who want to offer their unsolicited opinion or advice.  It is driving me absolutely crazy!  Just because you think you know how I am supposed to think/act/feel during this time in my life doesn’t mean that I am going to think/act/feel this way–and people need to respect that.  Period.

The initial point of this post was to say that I am so glad that I have the (5>) people that I do.  They are strong, wise and above all else-genuine.  And that matters most to me.  I am currently struggling with who to trust, and how much of myself to share with these individuals.  So many people seem to have something they want to offer me, and at this point, I just cant filter through who really can help.

A Mother’s Love

Whew!  I’m going to try this blogging thing again.  In part because I believe it will be helpful, but mainly because I encouraged someone else to start one even though I seriously neglect my own. 

If you know me/follow me on Twitter/are a friend on Facebook (assuming you pay attention) you can tell that something has been going on with me.  While I’m not ready to disclose everything that has happened, I can say that I have experienced some things that have forever changed my life–and I don’t know exactly how I’m supposed to feel now. 

I wanted to write about this topic while the feeling is still raw, but I am able to grasp my emotions.  I have a newfound appreciation/respect/love for my mother.  Our relationship, as most, has been turbulent at times, but now I can honestly say that I am so blessed and grateful to have her.  Unfortunately, it has taken some heartache and sheer anger to get to this point. 

About two weeks ago, I went through a situation that I would never wish on anyone–it has been the most frustrating, painful and joyful experience I have ever had.  Seriously.  And through it all, my mother has been right there!  She’s held my hand, wiped my tears, laid in bed with me, spoken words of comfort and still helps me through–from hundreds of miles away. 

For the longest time, I could never understand why or how a Mother could (or could not, for that matter) extend the unconditional, exhausting love they are known for.  Now I know.  When I think about everything it takes to be a Mother, a real mother, its tons of work!  Making the decision to make someone else your first priority, allowing them to take up residence in your body for almost a year (!), and having your heart attached to someone else–their joys, their pains, their mistakes and their triumphs is an incomparable sacrifice. 

My mother has done just that and more.  And I’m forever grateful.