[Is anyone else addicted to this show?]
You know how you can anticipate something so greatly–a moment, encounter, event–and feel so anti-climatic after its over? You have an expectation that is sometimes met, or greatly missed and the feelings of pure elation or surprising ambivalence can never be accurately articulated immediately following the occurence? That’s how I feel. I went to church Sunday, and now 48 hours later I’m ready to talk about it.
As stated in the last post, I’ve moved, and I’m actually close to a church that I’m interested in attending. I said I went to church as though I hadn’t been in ages, but the truth is-I went three weeks ago. I made that statement in such a confessional (is this an adjective?) tone because I’ve decided that I’m going to my plant myself at this church for the moment–an extended moment. I’m very involved in a department that plays a major role in the growth and health of my denomination, but truthfully, I’ve let my personal relationship falter. Greatly.
It’s certainly time to fix that and my attendance at the worship service Sunday was a direct reflection of that decision. I am pretty hesitant though; our church has this thing, itinerant ministry, which means that a Pastor is not guaranteed to be at one particular church for any amount of time. Seemingly, “here today, gone tomorrow”-or more like next year. That brings me to a major point, or contention rather, that I have with this outdated system of organized religion.
My generation, and the one preceding it, are largely made up of people from single-parent homes and/or dysfunctional family/community units–we are “sensitive about our shit” on so many levels. We are all too selective of the people we will allow to reprimand/praise/critique us because of the level of mistrust and sometimes disrespect we have for authority. Now consider this…if I have all or even some of the aforementioned issues, and I decide to enter the horrible (yes, I said it), yet beautiful institution that is the Black Church and choose to sit under a specific leader-I want them around! I mean, I believe that for many, especially those who choose to make their faith a pillar in their lifestyle, their spiritual leader is a very important figure in one’s life. Most people trust this person, are encouraged by their faith in action, and strive to live the standard set by God and reinforced by their Pastor. Why would anyone be interested in joining a Church where this person’s presence is not guaranteed?
As seen in the Ob.ama/Wri.ght issues earlier this year, Black people’s church affiliations are not something easily relinquished, or assumed for that matter. Much like other members of the Black community, I don’t take my membership-in any organization, especially not a church, lightly.
Having realized these things, I wonder if I’ve made the right decision. I’ve not joined, and I won’t, because I can’t be assured consistent leadership. But I wonder if even affiliating with a church is wrong if you don’t do it independent of the leader.
