Remember how in The Color Purple Shug Avery casually, but profoundly, tells Celie that whenever she sees purple…? Actually, I’ve forgotten the line verbatim, but I felt that same sentiment today.
I have been struggling with my gifts, the way they are to be used, and how my imperfect, irrational, always questioning self fits into His massive Will. When I say struggling, I mean losing sleep, agonizing, fighting because it just doesn’t make sense. So rather than continuing to deal with it impractically, I had a pow wow with the Lord.
We have those often. It’s necessary for my sanity.
I simply said, ‘Lord, I have trust issues, but you knew that already. Unfortunately my greatest issues revolve around the fact that I have to trust You, cause You’ve trusted me with so much.”
If it doesn’t make sense to you, or you can’t understand, it’s okay – my struggles aren’t meant to be yours because our triumph won’t be the same.
Anyway, during the pow wow, I asked Him to make Himself so real it was undeniable. You know how when you first fall in love everything you do/see/think can somehow be related to your Love? That’s what I asked for…that feeling, always. So today, after leaving work and running a few errands, I saw Him. It was an encounter. I feel like the clouds parted just for me. I heard Him say, “Daughter, here I am.”
Here’s the thing. I never doubted that He would answer my prayer, but I was still in awe when He did. He proved Himself once more. How amazing! I smiled, and said “thank You” because I’m learning to appreciate Him in a whole new way, took a picture, and continued home.
Again. He came back! As if to say, “…just in case you don’t believe it was Me”. I was sitting on my “patio” and it began to drizzle — that warm rain that cleanses. Again. In the dirt patch where the foliage used to be (maintenance dug all the green up for some reason), there was some sort of insect rushing off to somewhere…else. I couldn’t see its entire body, just the center part, and it was moving so deliberately. I thought, “that’s just how He moves”. The bug wasn’t concerned about the other insects in the soil, the rain falling from above, the possible predators all around — it was just moving, deliberately.
That’s what He does. He moves, deliberately, without concern for anything but the fulfillment of His Will.
How amazing that He doesn’t need us, because He’s deliberate, but still He finds a way to include us. Invites us to His table, to partake, to be filled, to be poured out, just so His deliberate Will is accomplished.